I’m gonna start an all girl punk band that sings really offensive songs like, “I don’t know how to tell you you’re bad at oral.”
Our second song is going to be called “My eyelashes are longer than your dick.”
id listen to you guys.
Another song could be “Christ will come before I do.”
Oh my god
You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)
HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.
Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.
(Tumblr quote comments are hard; the ones above are by previous rebloggers, this one is by Nick Douglas:) Men, remember that though it would be cool to live in a world that worked like romantic comedies, you don’t have an inalienable right to interact with cool people even if you think they’d warm to you after a while, and you will probably never understand how annoying it is to be a woman surrounded by men, up to and including the well-meaning ones, so at least be careful not to make strangers feel uncomfortable just so you can feel liked because while the former isn’t necessarily some grave sin, the latter is no lofty goal.
And before you say “but her bag is really cool!” maybe ask yourself how often you compliment the bags of people you don’t at all want to fuck. (Obviously some of you are just really cool complimenters and that’s cool though you are inevitably going to scare/annoy/etc some people and it’s good to deal with that knowledge in a non-selfish way.)
Sincerely, another man.
There’s never a time when I can just not reblog this. I come off as a curmudgeonly misanthrope in public, and it’s mostly from physical insecurity. There are men who either ignore social cues or don’t understand that they exist, and those men make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
But saying so means being told that there’s something wrong with me. He just wanted to compliment me. I should get over myself. I’m not so special.
It. Is. Exhausting.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via mydemisee)
OMG THIS! Haha
Haha “If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.” Yes.
so i was looking up stuff about birth control throughout history and
This is amazing.
A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On
Feminists do not want you to lose custody of your children. The assumption that women are naturally better caregivers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not like commercials in which bumbling dads mess up the laundry and competent wives have to bustle in and fix it. The assumption that women are naturally better housekeepers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to make alimony payments. Alimony is set up to combat the fact that women have been historically expected to prioritize domestic duties over professional goals, thus minimizing their earning potential if their “traditional” marriages end. The assumption that wives should make babies instead of money is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to get raped in prison. Permissiveness and jokes about prison rape are part of rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to be falsely accused of rape. False rape accusations discredit rape victims, which reinforces rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be lonely and we do not hate “nice guys.” The idea that certain people are inherently more valuable than other people because of superficial physical attributes is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to pay for dinner. We want the opportunity to achieve financial success on par with men in any field we choose (and are qualified for), and the fact that we currently don’t is part of patriarchy. The idea that men should coddle and provide for women, and/or purchase their affections in romantic contexts, is condescending and damaging and part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be maimed or killed in industrial accidents, or toil in coal mines while we do cushy secretarial work and various yarn-themed activities. The fact that women have long been shut out of dangerous industrial jobs (by men, by the way) is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to commit suicide. Any pressures and expectations that lower the quality of life of either gender are part of patriarchy. The fact that depression is characterized as an effeminate weakness, making men less likely to seek treatment, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be viewed with suspicion when you take your child to the park (men frequently insist that this is a serious issue, so I will take them at their word). The assumption that men are insatiable sexual animals, combined with the idea that it’s unnatural for men to care for children, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be drafted and then die in a war while we stay home and iron stuff. The idea that women are too weak to fight or too delicate to function in a military setting is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want women to escape prosecution on legitimate domestic violence charges, nor do we want men to be ridiculed for being raped or abused. The idea that women are naturally gentle and compliant and that victimhood is inherently feminine is part of patriarchy.
Feminists hate patriarchy. We do not hate you.
If you really care about those issues as passionately as you say you do, you should be thanking feminists, because feminism is a social movement actively dedicated to dismantling every single one of them. The fact that you blame feminists—your allies—for problems against which they have been struggling for decades suggests that supporting men isn’t nearly as important to you as resenting women. We care about your problems a lot. Could you try caring about ours?
Autostraddle (via notaprincessdestinedtobeawitch)
Guys. You need to read this.
i think sexting would be a lot cooler if boys sent pictures of themselves snuggling with puppies or wearing dress shirts with pushed up sleeves instead of blurry pictures of their junk
First we had the fires…
And now we have this shooting at the movie theater in Aurora. What the hell, Colorado? We’re a pleasant place to live but one would think not so much by all these things going on.
I think the number is 12 dead, 50 injured. The fuck.
List of Harry Potter Spells
- Accio: Brings an object to you
- Aguamenti: Creates a gush of water from the tip of the spell caster’s wand
- Alohomora: Opens locks
- Aparecium: Makes invisible ink become visible
- Avada Kedavra: The Unforgivable Curse; Kills your opponent; taken from “Abra Cadabra”
- Avifors: Turns things into birds
- Avis: Makes birds fly out of the end of your wand
- Bombarda: Causes a small, locally contained explosion. To make a bigger explosion, one could use “bombarda maxima”
- Colloportus: Closes a door and binds it so that it can’t be opened.
- Confringo: AKA the Blasting Curse; Causes the item targeted to explode
- Confundus: Confounds your target, or makes them temporarily confused
- Conjunctivitis: Damages the eyesight of your opponent, making them seem to have pink eye
- Crucio: The Second Unforgivable Curse, the Cruciatus Curse; Tortures your opponent mercilessly
- Deletrius: Erases the last spell cast by a wand so that it can’t be discovered
- Densaugeo: Makes teeth grow out of control
- Diffindo: Makes seams split open, severs an object into two pieces
- Dissendium: Opens a specific passageway into a cellar, may be useful in other instances; may be only a password
- Duro: Turns an item to stone.
- Enervate: Mistaken spell. Changed to Rennervate. Used to wake up a stunned person
- Engorgio: Makes an item larger, as in swollen
- Episkey: Heals relatively minor wounds.
- Evanesco: Causes an item to immediately dissolve away, as if it had never existed
- Expecto Patronum: Creates Patronus
- Expelliarmus: Disarms the target of the spell, such as knocking their wand out of their hand
- Fera Verto: Transforms animals into water goblets!
- Ferula: Binds a broken limb with a splint and bandages, tightly wrapped
- Fidelius: Allows a secret to be hidden within the secret keeper’s soul; very powerful spell
- Finite Incantatem: Stops any spell
- Flagrate: Allows the user to write or draw in the air with fire
- Flipendo: Also knows as the Knockback Jinx, pushes or flips something backwards
- Furnunculus: Causes a person to break out in boils
- Geminio: Creates a duplicate of an item (a twin, as in the zodiacal sign Gemini).
- Homorphus: Man-Shape; makes a werewolf or person disguised as an animal resume their human shape
- Immobulus: Immobilizes the target
- Impedimenta: Puts up an impediment that slows down something or someone that is coming toward you
- Imperio: The third unforgivable curse. Allows the user to assume complete control of another person
- Impervius: Repels water from a surface
- Incarcerous: Conjures up ropes, which then bind an opponent
- Incendio: Lights a fire
- Legilimens: Allows the user to gain access to another’s mind and memories
- Levicorpus: Turns your opponent upside down and dangles them in thin air
- Liberacorpus: “Liberates”, or frees a body that has been caught up by the levicorpus spell
- Locomotor Mortis: The Leg-Locker Curse; locks an opponent’s legs together
- Lumos: Creates light, usually by making the tip of the wand glow. More light can be created using “lumos maxima”
- Mobiliarbus: Used to move a tree from one place to another
- Mobilicorpus: Used to move a body from one place to another
- Morsmordre: or Morsmorde Used to summon the Dark Mark
- Muffliato: Causes a buzzing noise to surround a limited area so that those in the area can carry on a private conversation
- Nox: Extinguishes light, used to douse the light created by “Lumos”
- Obliviate: Makes a person “oblivious”, erasing their memories of an event
- Orchideous: Conjures a bunch of flowers from the user’s wand
- Petrificus Totalus: Total petrification; petrifies an opponent totally
- Point Me: The Four Point Spell; makes the user’s wand act like a compass
- Portus: Turns any item into a Portkey, which can then be used to transport a person or persons to another location.
- Prior Incantato: Reveals to you the last spell that a wand was used to cast
- Protego: Protects the user, and sends a spell back on an opponent
- Quietus: Makes things quiet, used to muffle “Sonorus”
- Reducio: Shrinks an item
- Reducto: Blasts solid objects into pieces
- Relashio: Releases something from being constrained or held
- Rennervate: Was originally “ennervate”, but corrected by author; means to energize or wake up
- Reparo: Repairs broken items
- Repello: Repels something
- Repello Muggletum: Makes an area invisible to Muggles
- Revelio: Causes something that is hidden to be revealed
- Rictusempra: Causes a person to curl up in laughter, as if being tickled
- Riddikulus: Makes a boggart assume a “ridiculous” form, thereby making it funny instead of terrifying
- Salvio Hexia: Unclear; seems to strengthen other protective spells, or to deflect any hexes cast toward a specific location
- Scourgify: Used to clean dirt or other material off of a surface
- Sectumsempra: Causes lacerations to appear all over an opponent’s body, as if they had been cut by an invisible sword
- Serpensortia: Conjures a snake
- Silencio: Makes the target of the spell unable to make any sound.
- Sonorus: Amplifies the user’s voice
- Stupefy Stupefies an opponent, or knocks them insensible temporarily
- Tarantallegra: Forces an opponent’s legs to dance uncontrollably
- Tergeo: Scours something clean
- Waddiwasi: Removes a stuck object, as in a wad of gum that is stuck in a keyhole
- Wingardium Leviosa: Allows the user to make an object levitate